Oh I really dislike it when I get a head cold in the middle of summer. We have finally been graced with good weather, long may it last, and I am full of the sniffles. How irritating.

On the plus side, at least it is happening now and will hopefully be over by the time I go to camp.

I just got back from a night out with the girls. We went for cocktails and dinner, which was nice, because we haven't been out in ages and we just wanted to chill for the night. We especially wanted to de-stress Mags, as she's been under a lot of stress lately. I think we paid for all her drinks, except her last one, which I then helped her to drink. I think I drank one too many drinks. I'm a little tipsy. Some would say drunk, some would say merry, who am I to put a label on a fabulous night out. For once, I didn't have a cigarette. I thought I would, when I got back to the house, but I honestly don't want one. I think I only crave one when I'm pissed off, and right now, I'm having a really good night, serious conversations and everything.

I think it's time for bed though, after a nice big glass of water. Fun night, but not so fun if I have a hangover in the morning! Luckily, I don't get hangovers much at all, only when I drink wine. And I didn't drink wine tonight so here's hoping.

Goodnight all, I hope you all had as fun a night as I did.

p.s I watched half of the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, and while it deserves it's own entry, I wanted to mention it here and how much I love it already. And also? 6 hours? I love you, BBC. I love you.

Oh, there is also ( this one. )

And yes, those are my eyes in my icon.

So I finally took picture of my hair, proper ones. Yes, I got arty farty, and yes, I took too many, but whatever.

( I'm so hot right now. )

Lordy, Lordy, I'm tired. I guess going out, staying up late and then working early in the morning will do that. And then Bethany and Katie were over tonight and we had mexican food. Good times, but I am very tired.

I started reading Romeo and Juliet, and so far I love it. I think I need to see it on stage, because as I read it, I just see the movie and I'm finding it hard to picture it in it's original context now. Maybe I could go and see it in London next year some time.

I have to go pick up my financial aid cheque tomorrow. I've been meaning to get it for a couple of weeks, but I haven't been in Dublin and it's such a long way to go for just one thing. I might actually get it on Thursday, since I'll be heading in that way anyway. It'll be nice, it's not much, but it'll pay off my overdraft and cover my rent next week, which will be really handy.

We have three girls moving into the house in August. Mags is moving out to save money for a few months before she gets married, and Bethany is moving in to replace her. We have an empty room right now, which will be filled by either Grace (who lived here before) or by Geraldine, if Grace can't take the room. And then Candice is going to move back in and she's going to be sharing with me. She lived here before but has been away for almost a year, in South Africa and Canada. It's all changing, but it's nice. I'll miss Mags though. It's so weird that she won't be here.

Bethany and her friend came over tonight for dinner, we were going to eat in, but then decided to take advantage of the first nice day we've have all summer and head down to the seafront for food and a drink or two. We got chips (fries, but different) and then had cocktails. It was a really good night and we just got back. However, I have work tomorrow, so rather than stay up and watch a movie with the girls, I think I'm going to head to bed. I'm a little tipsy, but I'll sleep alright and I shouldn't have a headache in the morning.

We should go out in Bray more, it's so nice. I walked along the beach, in my bare feet, under the moonlight. It really was idyllic.

I love days when I know I get to stay in the house all day. There is just something about it. You ask anyone that knows me and they will probably tell you that I'm an extrovert. They are wrong, so wrong. Yes, I talk a lot and am quite bubbly most of the time, but I love my own space, love spending time alone, and more than that, I need my own space to be able to gather my thoughts and make sense of things.

Tangent. Sorry. So anyway, today is a house day, a day in which I am going to finish organising my room, possibly clean the bathroom, do some laundry. A house day. These are prized days, I don't have to get dressed if I don't want to (though I probably will at some point) and I can eat whatever and whenever I want to. Structured meals? Pah! But the thing about these days is, if someone were to say to me now, 'come on, lets go to the shop', I would get very upset and defensive of my house day. Once I've told myself that I'm doing nothing all day, then that's what I'm doing. I won't change my plans for almost anything. I love my house days, I do.

I just finished watching the Baz Luhrman film version of Romeo and Juliet, and I love it. I always have, I think it's fabulous, not only because they use the original Shakespearean language, but just the whole set up is fabulous. Not to mention the soundtrack.

It got me to thinking. That's the kind of love I want. Passionate, all encompassing love. I don't want the regular kind, I don't want 'normal' or 'content', I want fire and passion and kissing in the rain. Maybe that's why I haven't found it yet. Perhaps I'm asking too much. But I won't settle for less. I want fireworks, I want tears and laughter and joy and the ache of loving someone so much it physically hurts. It'll come, I have no doubt. I can't wait.

Saying that, I'd rather not have the dying part, if it's all the same to you.

Mmmm, Chinese for dinner. Yum yum. And it comes in cartons, like in the states, so I can pretend like I'm there and not here and it's actually sunny outside and not cold, like here. You wouldn't think it was supposed to be July, we have such crappy weather.

My goodness, I love comedy. Stand up, I mean, it's hilarious. Always good to have an out-loud-laughing moment. Keke and Laura are here (well, Laura lives here, but that's neither here nor there) and we're watching comedy and after that, I'm going to watch The Other Boleyn Girl. I don't have high hopes for it, since I've read the book and it couldn't possibly be as good, but should be an interesting movie nonetheless. I won't lie, I'm mostly just updating so I can use one of my Many Fabulous New Icons. Oh yes.

Haha, icon love.

"Oi, watch it spaceman!"
"Oi, watch it earth girl!"
"ooooh!"
"Oooh!"
"I sound like you. All...rough"
"Oi!"
"Oi!"
"OI!"
"Sssshhh, spanners!"

I went on a 'shopping spree', as it were, and I acquired many many new icons! So now I have 35 icons! Woo! Check 'em out, you know you want to!

Ok, so as you may or may not have read, I recently purchased a paid account for myself. This is a Good Thing in many ways, one of which is the fact that I can now have fifteen more icons, which is Awesome. (Notice randomly places capital letters for Emphasis).

The only problem with this is that I want more icons, and I can't find any. I have noticed that many of you on my friends list have very funny icons, both related to fandom and not related to fandom. What I would like/need from you now is Help. Do you have a specific community that you find these icons at? Or do you know someone who just happens to make very funny icons? I need Help, did I mention that? I want funny icons and all the ones I find are awful, or not funny or too plain. Not to say that they are bad icons, I'm sure I couldn't do any better, had I the programme on my computer, but I don't, and so I need to look elsewhere.

Can you Help? Please do, comment and let me know. If you don't comment, I will stalk you and possibly throw potatoes at your house. You have been forewarned.

Oh my goodness, I just saw an add on Facebook advertising a language learning course. It has this flag that changes with each language, "Learn French" with a French flag, "Learn Chinese" with a Chinese flag...and then "Learn English" with an AMERICAN flag. Dear goodness gracious, come on.

Treated myself to a paid account for a year. Which means I can upload loads more icons, and I also changed my layout too. Fun fun. Now I just have to go find icons that I want.

Heading to Open House tonight, so I'll have to do all that when I get back. Loads of fun.

Had a talk with the girls today, cried my eyes out, got all emotional about the fact that I feel very alone a lot of the time, and I feel that a lot of people that I would consider friends don't care as much about me as I do about them and that hurts.

So yes, I'm lonely, yes I feel hurt and forgotten, and yes I would like to be the first point of call for someone. For anyone, really. It'd be nice to be the most important person to someone. Not too much to ask, right?

And yes, I am feeling down, and again, yes, I will feel better soon, but I'm getting this down more for my own record than to let everyone on my flist know, but whatever. Maybe the more I actually open myself to people, the more they will know about what's going on in my head. It may be partly my fault, because I don't let people in. I'll try to be better, I promise. I don't want to close myself off, and I don't want to be on my own.

Ugh, the guys doing our garden just showed up. I completely forgot they might be here today, and as a result I was woken by the door bell and opened the door half asleep in my pajamas. I'm so cool. And now lots and lots of noise is going on, so I'm not even going to try and stay in bed. It's 8:30am. That would be particularly early, if I had gone to bed at a sensible time, but now I'm tired.

Saying that, I'm very, very happy that things are finally getting done in this house. It is very much a Good Thing.

So I was having a crap kind of day, not doing anything to speak of, didn't have work and most of my friends were working or busy at something or another. I was watching Doctor Who, which is great, don't get me wrong, but being cooped up in my room all day watching Doctor Who isn't the way I want to spend my summer. I got to thinking, Shona, Ruth, Vanessa, Georgia and Chris have all gone to China for the summer, and so I think I'm going to be spending a lot of time by myself. Fair enough, Georgia would have gone to England anyway, so I wouldn't have seen her, and Vanessa might have gone back to the states earlier, but still. I'm going to miss them a lot.

I don't want to spend summer alone, and so I was getting a little down this afternoon. It occurred to me that when it comes to most of my friendships, a lot of the time it feels like I am the one who does most of the work. I can count on one hand (on one FINGER actually) how many of my friends have contacted me to hang out or do something in the last MONTH. (This is not counting the girls in China) And that's ridiculous! And then I got to thinking, well perhaps I haven't contacted anyone either, but I have, I know I have, I remember doing it. But everyone already has plans with their 'other friends', plans that don't include me. Or if they do, it's a last minute thought, thrown out mostly because the person I have contacted feels bad that I now have nothing to do. I'd rather not have pity, thanks anyway.

So I was feeling down, and then Jenny comes home. (Jenny is a friend who is staying with us for a month, a girl who I have known for years on a 'hi, how are you' kind of basis, but have never hung out with or really talked to at all.) We sat and chatted and had a laugh all night. We talked nonsense, we talked in accents, we made each other laugh, and it really just lifted my spirits. Yes, I am still mulling over how this summer is going and who exactly I am friends with etc. But I had been thinking that perhaps it was me, there was something wrong with me, that's why no one was contacting me to hang out. Maybe it is, but you know what, that is their problem. It hurts, damn it of course it hurts, and I hope that people are just busy and that someday soon they might have time for me, but if not it's not because I'm a bad or horrible person. It's not because I'm annoying (one of my personal fears), it's just the way things are.

Saying that, it doesn't always help, knowing these things. It still feels kind of crap. I'm kind of wishing I hadn't written any of this, because I've just reminded myself of how bad I was feeling and am starting to feel bad again. Time for bed and then a new day tomorrow. It's probably my own fault anyway, for being so emotionally unavailable.

So far I've watched one episode of Doctor Who season one, and dear merlin, Nine is annoying. Seriously.